How to Strengthen Your Marriage

How to Strengthen Your Marriage

Marriage can be a mix of good and bad days, with joys and sorrows. It needs a lot of understanding and give-and-take from both of you. You both need to adjust to your partner’s likes, dislikes, and lifestyle, and they need to do the same for you. If your marriage isn’t where you want it to be, there are many things you can do right now to strengthen it and make it better.

Common Roadblocks on the Marriage Journey

We all have our flaws, and the person who spends the most time with you will notice them the quickest. At Modern Therapy, we see many couples and have identified some common issues that come up in relationships.

  • Poor Communication: Not communicating well with each other is a big issue in a relationship. It can turn a mere misunderstanding into a big fight.
  • Money Issues: You might argue about your partners’ spending habits, their financial priorities or failure to follow their financial promises. Those disagreements around money can make it a very sensitive topic.
  • Housework: Living together can cause arguments about cleaning. One of you might be messier than the other. Maybe one doesn’t like making the bed while the other leaves clothes on the floor.
  • Priorities: Your partner might complain about a lack of attention. We understand that balancing time between your spouse, children, parents, and job can be challenging, and we all have different views on what is healthy balance between work and family is.
  • Lack of Trust: Without trust, you can’t maintain a close relationship. If something happens to make your partner doubt your decisions or you are questioning your partner’s true feelings, you might start questioning your whole marriage. Your negative past experiences might also contribute to your lack of trust in people, including your partner.
  • Expectations: Long-term relationships bring joy, but if you’re not happy with yourself, another person can’t make you happy. So don’t expect your partner to make you happy all the time. If you do, it can’t put a strain on your marriage.
  • Making Promises: We all want our spouses to be happy and feel supported, so you might make promises about vacations or spending time with family. If you can’t keep these promises, it can cause problems.

Rekindle the Spark: Ways To Strengthen Your Marriage

1. Spend quality time reconnecting with your partner

This might seem obvious, but many couples can’t even remember the last time they spent together alone — just to connect. We understand life is busy, but to keep the relationship strong, you need to get creative about making time to connect with your spouse. Remember the days and nights when you did anything to spend more time with your partner? Remember those short moments when you couldn’t wait to see them again, touch them, kiss them, hold them?

That connection made the relationship feel special. Go back into that feeling by planning time together on purpose. It could be as simple as enjoying a cup of coffee together in the morning, meeting for lunch, watching Netflix and chill (after the kids are in bed), or having a well-planned date.

Being an adult doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Every marriage should have some fun and laughter because they help during tough times. Get together with your partner and think of what makes you both laugh and what you both enjoy. Maybe it’s a funny movie or a comedy show. The plan can be simple or fancy and only needs your willingness to be together to keep the connection strong.

2. Check In With Your Partner About Their Day

Check-in with your partner about their day and what’s important to them. Even though you know your partner well, you might think you already know or can guess what they’re thinking or feeling. To keep good communication, you must forget those guesses and ask open questions about their experiences. Showing interest with simple questions can show that you still care about each other’s highs and lows. Try asking, “What’s going on with you that you’d like me to know about?” or “How is that project at work going?” The purpose is to stay close and connected in your relationship, both in and out of the bedroom.

3. Share What You’re Experiencing

Talk about what you’re going through and what’s important to you. We often focus on others so much that we forget about our own needs. This is a chance to share your view of life and help your partner understand you better. Just like asking about them is important, sharing about yourself can also create a stronger connection and improve intimacy.

4. Tell Your Partner Something You Appreciate About Them

We all know our partner’s strengths and weaknesses, and we can choose to use our words to build them up and remind them of their worth and value in our lives. Couples can encourage and affirm each other. The purpose here is to be specific – share what you admire about your partner, what they do that you appreciate, how they make you feel, what you love about them, and how they make your life better. This can create meaningful moments and strengthen your relationship through appreciation.

5. Forgive and Let Go of Grudges

Forgiving and letting go of grudges can help strengthen a troubled marriage. Holding onto bitterness creates even more problems. If you often feel angry at your partner and can’t resolve it, it can hurt your marriage in the long run. Forgiving quickly is the best thing you can do. It’s a gift to both you and your partner. Don’t cling to grudges that take too much of your emotional and mental energy. Holding grudges not only just harms your marriage—it’s also linked to higher blood pressure and heart rate.

Of course, it’s easier to say than to do. If you feel resentment towards your partner, and it doesn’t go away, there could be some deeper issues, that you need to resolve with a therapist.

6. Show Respect to Each Other in Your Marriage

A strong marriage works because both of you give and take equally. Give your partner the space they need to be themselves. Let them grow and be who they are meant to be. This freedom helps both of you bloom in your marriage, supporting each other as you grow together. Don’t be controlling and respect each other in your marriage. It’s about not always demanding things go exactly as you want.

7. Work on Intimacy for a Deep Emotional and Physical Connection

Life gets busy, and we can easily forget to pay attention to our partner’s needs. But building intimacy in marriage is very important for a strong emotional and physical connection with your partner. Think about ways to make your intimate life with your partner more enjoyable and fulfilling. A healthy intimate life is the key to a strong marriage, and successful couples work on it intentionally.

8. Consider Getting Professional Help Through Couples Therapy

If you’ve been trying hard but still feel like you’re not getting anywhere and you’re starting to worry about divorce, it might be time to think about couples counselling. A good couples therapist can give you and your spouse exercises to do together. Sometimes, getting a new point of view and professional advice can help, especially when it comes to saving your marriage.

9. Plan for the Future Together

After you decide to go on your marriage journey together, start thinking about your future goals. Plan specific times to discuss these goals. Enjoy these moments— over dinner or a relaxed walk. Dream big, but begin with small steps you can achieve to stay motivated. Celebrate these small wins together. Be open about each other’s dreams and find ways to include them in your plans. Check-in regularly to adjust your goals. Keeping a vision board or shared journal can help keep your dreams clear and alive. A friend of mine shared with me how she and her partner used a notebook in the kitchen to write notes for each other when they worked opposite schedules. This helped them to stay connected during those times.

Planning your future together isn’t just about mapping out your lives—it’s about building a strong, connected partnership that values both your dreams and your shared goals.

10. Have Inside Jokes with Your Partner

If you love sharing inside jokes with your partner, those times when you can just look at each other and know what’s funny are special. These funny moments build a strong bond between you, making your connection deeper with every laugh you share. These memories, just between you two, become important parts of your relationship, keeping you close and trusting. So when things get tough, don’t forget to make inside jokes to lighten the mood and bring your partner closer.

Strengthen Your Marriage with Modern Therapy

Still, wondering how to strengthen or fix your marriage? It’s okay. All marriages face difficult times. Dealing with the problems that come in your marriage can be challenging, but making an effort is key to keeping your marriage strong. And no matter how long you’ve had problems, it’s never too late to seek marriage counselling or marital advice.

If you and your partner need help saving your troubled marriage, working with a licensed therapist at a modern therapy clinic in Vancouver can be the lifeline you’ve been seeking. At our clinic, our best marriage counsellors offer affordable marriage counselling. Our Vancouver counsellors provide expert marriage advice and marriage tips to help you strengthen your relationship. To get started now, give us a call to book an appointment.

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