What a counsellor can help you with?
Identify the root cause of the problem that holds you back from achieving more in life
Our early childhood experiences build up a foundation for what we will be faced with for the rest of our lives. If, as a child, you were criticized more than praised, if your parents passed on their limiting beliefs and fears around money, appearance or intimacy, you might find you need to start challenging those outdated beliefs and values and build up that foundation. During individual counselling sessions, you will learn to become aware of your negative self-talk, learn how to move past those limiting believes to start living your fullest capacity.
Learn and practice techniques to calm your anxiety
Anxiety, irritation, ‘over-reacting’ are often all just symptoms of what’s happening underneath. Your anxiety is not ‘who you are’. It’s just a warning to get your attention to the root problem. Your therapist will help you understand what triggers those emotional and bodily reactions, what is the difference between fear and anxiety, why you are ‘over-reacting’ and how to implement grounding techniques to keep your emotions at the baseline.
Build better, healthier boundaries
Boundaries are your rules for what’s ok and what’s not ok for others to say or to do. There are physical, emotional, mental, financial and other boundaries that we need to be firm and clear on.
It’s important to have strong and clear boundaries. Brene Brown, the well-known researcher on shame and vulnerability made the point that setting boundaries is not about ‘loving less’ but actually ‘loving more’ because when you are loving yourself you have more capacity for having compassion for others. Building boundaries means finding a way to be generous towards others while continuing to be true to yourself. It’s keeping that integrity with yourself while also feeling compassion towards others.
Implement simple self-care strategies into your busy life
We all live stressful lives these days. It seems we can’t keep up with the demands of the increasing pace of modern life. We have so many things on our plate that the previous generations couldn’t even imagine. We plant to take a rest when we finish that to-do list but… our time never comes! Together with therapist, you will develop a toolbox of simple strategies and techniques that are easy to implement and won’t take much of your time.
Those strategies will help you to keep your nervous system at the baseline and bouncing back quicker when things get out of hand.
We don’t want to add more things to your plate, so we share only the self-care strategies that are simple and practical. We know they work because many of our clients use them successfully.
Build up your confidence and self-esteem
There is a difference between confidence and self-esteem. You might be very confident at work but can completely lose yourself in a romantic relationship.
Confidence is based on learning certain skills, like riding a bike or a snowboard, or becoming an expert in our field.
Our self-worth is based on our beliefs about ourselves and others. Those beliefs are developed at an early age when we like a sponge learn about ourselves and how things work around here. The only way to learn that when you are a kid is through feedback from our first caregivers, peers and teachers. If that feedback was mostly negative you might have developed an inaccurate, skewed view of yourself, when you see yourself mostly in a negative way. You have ‘prove’ you are good looking back at your achievements but you don’t believe in being ‘good and deserving’.
Understand what is yours what is your partner’s
We often ask that question, is it ok to feel this way or it’s my partner that is doing something wrong? You will understand what triggers you, why you snap at your partner and how to communicate your needs and get heard. You will learn about healthy interdependency in a relationship and how it is different from co-dependency.
Identify your life, career or relationship goals and develop a strategy to achieve them
Sometimes it seems everything is ok but you still feel unsatisfied with your life. It seems the best part of you life is still coming but you are not sure what it is. We will help you to identify what’s really important for you to accomplish in this life and how to live up to your values, and what should be your life goals. Then we will develop a simple plan to achieve them.
Heal your childhood traumas so it’s not haunting your present
Imagine a sliver that you are living with for most of your life. You don’t see it, it doesn’t really bother you until it’s triggered. You don’t see it but when you touch it near it you feel pain. That’s your past trauma, it’s still there. If you didn’t have a caring responsive adult to comfort and protect you when you were abused or neglected your trauma might be stuck in the body and needs to be healed. If you have any memories that still bring painful emotions, disturbing images or fears, you need to process those memories, clear up that wound, get that sliver out so you can leave the past in the past. You would think ‘oh, that’s really crappy’ when you think of what happened but you won’t get a strong emotional response.
Manage your emotions better
Learn simple, proven to work strategies for emotional self-regulation. There is a concept in psychotherapy as Window Of Tolerance. It’s an optimal zone where we all have our ups and downs. If you feel you have difficulty to bounce back from disturbing experiences, have low energy or quick to react, and not able to come back to normal as usual, you might be outside of that window of tolerance. The more challenges and stress you have the further away you are from that safe zone. If you feel you are not able to tolerate stress as you used to, you need to implement some activities to find that calm and build resilience.
Process recent trauma and reduce symptoms of PTSD
Post-traumatic stress symptoms can be reduced sometimes within a few sessions if there is no history of previous traumas. The more secure you felt when you were growing up the quicker we can get you back to normal after recent trauma. At Modern Therapy we successfully treat PTSD symptoms due to recent accidents or personal injuries.
Understand your grief and find relief from strong emotions
The common stages of grief are shock, denial, anger, depression, testing, bargaining and acceptance. No matter which stage you are going through you will find relief from the strong feelings of sadness, shame or despair you might be experiencing.
Identify your strengths
Get thorough feedback on what are your strengths and limitations are and learn how you can strengthen your resilience and self-esteem. We are all unique. What you might consider as weakness always has the other side, which you can use to your advantage. Loving yourself means you have to accept all of yourself – good, bad and ugly. We are wired to belong, to feel accepted and often we deny parts of ourselves that we think people don’t like. Often, however, we discover that that’s exactly what they actually do like. In our Canadian ‘polite’ society we often miss that feedback. In the safety of a therapeutic environment, you can get honest feedback and discover something that you never paid attention to.