It’s more than just changing communication patterns

Most people come to couples therapy with the goal to improve their communication patterns. While changing your behaviour can lead to better communication with your partner, it’s not enough to feel more connected. In couples therapy, we take the attachment perspective on our behaviour when it comes to relationships.

There is plenty of advice in the media on how to deal with disagreements. Being big on self-help I remember myself making a ‘manual’ for my then-husband on how to approach a conflict – what to do, what to say, where to stand… Unfortunately, it didn’t work. No matter how much he was willing to do all that for me, we fell back into the old patterns. When we force changes, they are not sustainable.

How many times did you make well-intentional decisions to get back to the gym, start a healthier diet or be more positive? After a while, we all fall back into our habitual patterns.

Although different behaviour and better communication are the goals of couples therapy, we are not forcing partners to do or to say different things. Behavioural changes are more sustainable if they happen more organically, the partners are genuinely willing to change unwanted behaviour.

How does relationship counselling work?

We need to understand that the way we show up in our romantic relationship we learned in our families. Then we gain our own relationship experience and bring our values, beliefs, habits, fears and insecurities into our marriage.

What do we do in couple counselling?

I hear often from clients ‘gosh, how couldn’t I see that before?’ Well, it’s difficult to have another perspective if you are taught only one. That’s what we offer in couples therapy. A therapist will show you where your communication breaks down. You will be more clear on your own needs and your partner’s needs. Then, in the safety of a therapy session, you will practice new skills and different ways of communication.

Our therapists are trained and experienced in EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), The Gottman Method and Developmental Model, the most prominent approaches in couples therapy. More about EFT for couples and Gottman Method

What is the success rate of couples therapy?

Research shows EFT is roughly to be 75 percent effective. EFT is also proven to work with various cultures and with additional issues such as traumas, parenting of chronically ill children or infertility.

How long does couples therapy take to work?

It depends on a unique situation and works outside of the sessions. They suggest the average amount of successful couples counselling takes about 12-16 sessions.

Does insurance cover couples counselling?

If your insurance covers ‘clinical counsellor’ services, you are covered for couples therapy. Check our therapists who offer EFT or Gottman model of therapy with couples.

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